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Writer's pictureBrian Doyle

I Don’t Want God on My Side

And he began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes and be killed, and after three days rise again. And he said this plainly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

 

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”-Mark 8:31-37

 

Since the beginning, men have justified themselves with statements like “God be with us, God be for us, God is on our side.” Many will argue that this is why religion is bad, but let me stop them right there: this is man’s way of justifying his actions, by appealing to God’s approval. Truth be told, I don’t want God on my side. As those who seek to have God justify their actions and choices, by invoking God on “my side,” I am seeking my thoughts, my ways, and my means, and God’s thoughts, ways and means are so far above my own I cannot fathom the height, depth or width.

 

No, instead, I seek to be tested, and if found wanting, to be disciplined and conformed to God’s will. Too often, we’re like Peter in the above passage: we want to tell God what He will and won’t do, what He can and can’t do, and we seek to satisfy our own way. Would Jesus say to us “get behind me, Satan,” as He did Peter? Are we telling Him what we will and won’t do, and what He can and can’t do? Instead, I want to pray, as David did “Search me, try me, know my heart. If there is any grievous way in me, rid me of it.” I want to be found as a worker approved by God. I want to be transformed by His word and conformed to His will so that, in all things, I reflect Him and His will, not me and mine.

 

Psalm 139

 


O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

 

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

 

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the

sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!

O men of blood, depart from me!

They speak against you with malicious intent;

your enemies take your name in vain.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

I hate them with complete hatred;

I count them my enemies.

 

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!




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